Thursday, January 30, 2020

Consent Isn’t Just for Humans



Is it the norm for you to intentionally go out in public; to the grocery, the bank, the mall; with the thought of meeting and greeting everyone you see?  For most of us, that would be not only impossible, but intimidating.  As much as we are social beings, we all still have other things to attend to and probably a to do list as well as work.  Taking the time to be social to everyone we see would be exhausting and nothing else would get done.



We all pretty much understand this about each other.  Why is it that we don’t extend this same courtesy to our dogs?  Yes, they too are social creatures.  But like us, there is no need to meet and greet with every dog they see. In fact, in their viewpoint, that could be dangerous.  After all, evolution taught canids that others of their species are dangerous unless they are family. Seeing other canids can be a tense affair.  


I remember years ago; I was working as a waitress in Anchorage on the morning shift.  Summer in Anchorage saw a progression of tourists through the hotel that the coffee shop I worked at was in.  There were days when it was not stop from 6am until 10 pm with a line out the door. Then it stops.  It’s pretty sudden actually.  The tourists just disappear.  But management keeps us scheduled for a week or two as if the tourist were still abundant.  We get bored and restless.  


When the tourists disappear, the politicians from Juneau return to Anchorage where most of them live.  It was my experience at that time that politicians, their aides and secretaries all ate weird things.  One guy always had a peanut butter and banana sandwich for lunch. We had to special order it. Because of their return, shenanigans started.  


We were mostly young, and frisky and flirty. The politicians were worse. They couldn’t keep their hands to themselves. And no one asked if it was ok.


Years later, when doing a class called Fight Like A Girl, I learned how to defend myself from roaming hands and pinching fingers, but it should never have happened without my consent in the first place.


As a society that is comprised of mostly non-dog behavior experts, many people look at dogs as a sort of community property or at minimum, as some sort of entertainment that should be available to them, just because the dog is in a public place. Like those politicians and their grabbing willy nilly, people seem to think they have a right to touch not only every baby they see, but now that dogs are coming more and more into public, with dogs.


As a service dog owner, this is a big problem.  My service dog is supposed to be glued to my side and paying attention to my smell.  If he misses an alert to my medical condition, I could go into a diabetic coma.  Often, I wish I could magically create a bubble of force around myself to prevent those who feel entitled from trying to touch Micah, even when he senses someone not quite right in the head and growls, they still reach for him.  But magic wands and magic force fields don’t, yet, exist.  Someday maybe, but not now.


Another incident that happened during my waitressing days in Anchorage, was during that sharp lull after the tourists disappeared, but before the politicians showed up.  Goofing around in the coffee station one morning, one of the other waitresses decided it would be fun to grab me around the neck with a half-nelson hold.  I have a sensitive neck, thyroid issues and the need to keep breathing regularly.  I also have extremely quick reflexes.  So, back went the elbow into her stomach, back went my head into her nose.  Blood everywhere and groans and moans from her.  And all the explanations in the world were not enough and I almost got fired. Had one of the morning regular customers not seen what happened and spoke up, I would have been gone right then and there.

I can completely understand why dogs get upset.  Imagine some stranger coming up to you, patting you on the head, grabbing your ears, stroking your back and sides, and hugging you.  I know what I would do and have done more than once.  The incident at the coffee shop wasn’t the only time I reacted to inappropriate touching. And like I said, later in life I learned how to effectively defend myself from grabby people without creating a scene.  But what about our dogs?


Consent is a right of every living being, in my opinion.  We want respect, why do we not give it?  Not only to other humans, but to other creatures?  Even in my social group, most of them know I’m not a hugger.  It wasn’t done in my family growing up and is very uncomfortable to me.  I’ve learned when it’s appropriate and how much hugging to do, but it took me until recently to understand that and I’m over 60 years old!


So, dogs, and especially service dogs, and consent.  In their world, they have a hierarchy of signals, both physical and vocal, that tell another dog whether it is ok to approach and how closely that approach will be accepted without further signals. Humans, mostly, don’t understand, and in most cases, don’t even see, these warning signals.  Or don’t understand them when they do see them.

As a dog owner, and especially as a service dog handler, you need to be proactive about what happens to your dog.  I know it’s hard for those who are uncomfortable with other humans, but think about it this way: if you don’t advocate for your dog; if you don’t tell people “NO” and enforce it; how much worse will you react to those people because of your own issues?  If your dog is so distracted trying to protect itself, it will miss alerting you, blocking the crowds, finding exits, and in general doing its job.



Your dog is not in public for the pleasure of those who profess that “all dogs love me”.  You need to be firm with these people and others who just can’t seem to control themselves around dogs.  Be your dog’s advocate, be his voice, don’t stand back and expect him to ensure his own safety.  If you’ve taught your service dog about intelligent disobedience and that almost anything is allowed from him to you in an emergency, what do you think is going to happen when he says “NO” to some other person.  His “no” could involve teeth.


Forcing a dog to become proactive about his own safety is where reactivity, fearful behavior and/or aggression often comes from.  This is the same whether your dog is a pet or a service dog.

One blog I follow made a good point about how some try to handle the consent question when they are out with their dogs. Here is an excerpt of one of her articles.


I do want to mention something that I see some people utilizing for dogs who are introverted; the leashes or coats or sashes that indicate the need for space. I do not personally support these products. Here’s one reason why. In THIS country, we have a litigious society. You are labeling your dog. If there is an unfortunate incident, you are already publicly stating that your dog doesn’t do well in close up circumstances and you are then admitting liability. I don’t believe in inviting controversy. 

There are plenty of people in this country who might consider forcing an encounter with the explicit purpose of being able to sue you. Just say no to labeling and speak out verbally instead. It is your right as your dog’s caretaker and never forget that. Do not be afraid. Your dog depends on you.


Another reason why I do not support labeling is because frankly, most dogs are not interested in interactions with random strangers. Being exceptionally social is a trait belonging to a very small portion of the dog world. I prefer education at large on this subject rather than simply labeling some dogs as abnormal. They are not abnormal. They are actually more the standard. We must stop trying to make them something that they are not and accept them for who they are. Education on this subject is vital.”


Its been my experience that children seem to understand that service dogs should not be distracted.  I’ve even seen children tell their parents that it’s not ok to pet that dog. These are generally children who are school age.  Younger children, toddlers, are a different story. And their parents are oblivious or get mad when you tell the child “no”.


“May I pet your dog” should be taught as soon as a child can speak.  Especially now that not only service dogs are becoming a regular sight in public, but dog friendly restaurants, malls, and other retail businesses are all allowing pet dogs in at least a portion of their business space. It should also be taught that when a child hears “no” they should respect that and not just reach because they asked first.



The truth is that even though dogs aren’t humans, they are sentient beings who have the capacity to experience a full range of emotions and who need many of the same things we do in order to live healthy and fulfilling lives. This includes the ability to make choices, give consent or not and have control over one’s body.


In the words of Dr. Susan Friedman, “The single most important thing I have learned over 40 years studying learning and behavior is the benefit of giving animals control over their own significant life events. Although it may seem counterintuitive given our cultural fog, research demonstrates that control over consequences is a primary reinforcer, meaning it’s essential to survival like food, water and shelter.”


Too many trainers, including TV trainers, espouse that you must control your dog.  That dominance shouldn’t be allowed, and all dogs should be submissive to the will of humans.  Even a human who can’t even control their own bodies yet.  The encouragement we get to use power, force, and control as the way to live with our dogs totally negates what dogs have been to man for centuries – man’s best friend.


Can you image trying to make a human friend by grabbing them by the neck and squeezing their carotid artery?  How many actual friends would you have?  You might have slaves, and that has been a part of our past and even in some countries today.  But they are not friends. Trying to control others, the need to control others, is what brings about abuse, war, poverty and slavery.


With a dog in our lives, we control so much of their existence, why continue that control in every aspect?  It isn’t needed or wanted and will prevent that dog from being the best pet he could be. Just because you can tell your dog what to do, doesn’t mean you should. And we are not with them every second of the day.  What happens during those minutes and hours when the dog has the freedom to choose what they will do with their time?  They may not counter surf, get in the garbage or on your bed while you’re gone.  You’ve enforced that enough that they don’t want the consequences.  But there is so much more they could do.  I’ve seen the destruction from dogs who have no choices in their lives and when set free for even 10 minutes, will find something to conquer.  


If you are reading this book, I’m going to assume you want or have a service dog, or a service dog in training.  A service dog is a dog that is trained to do a task or work for someone with a disability.  That task or work must be directly related to that disability.  No more, no less.  But think about this.  If you control everything your dog does, will he be able to do his job?  Will he feel comfortable going against your command to move forward in the path of a car you can’t see, or will he be able to tell you “NO!”.


If you have trained your dog to alert you when you are going to have a seizure in 30 minutes, but you feel fine. Are you going to yell at him for a false alert? Throw him in a crate for a timeout because he was doing his job?  Believe me, I’ve seen this happen all too often. I had one client with an adult child with autism and a caretaker for that adult child.  The caretaker was afraid of dogs.  So, the seizure alert dog was left outside away from the human she was supposed to be watching and could not.  The parents were very upset with me for not training the dog better until I pointed out that the dog couldn’t do anything from outside.


Think about your relationship with your service dog.  Do you just want a robot that looks great walking perfectly at your side in public?  Or do you want a dog that saves your life and is your hero?  That dog could still walk great at your side in public, but he’ll stop and alert as necessary, even if you are in the middle of your friends and want to chat.

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