Is it the norm for you to intentionally go out in public; to
the grocery, the bank, the mall; with the thought of meeting and greeting
everyone you see? For most of us, that
would be not only impossible, but intimidating.
As much as we are social beings, we all still have other things to
attend to and probably a to do list as well as work. Taking the time to be social to everyone we
see would be exhausting and nothing else would get done.
We all pretty much understand this about each other. Why is it that we don’t extend this same
courtesy to our dogs? Yes, they too are
social creatures. But like us, there is
no need to meet and greet with every dog they see. In fact, in their viewpoint,
that could be dangerous. After all,
evolution taught canids that others of their species are dangerous unless they
are family. Seeing other canids can be a tense affair.
I remember years ago; I was working as a waitress in
Anchorage on the morning shift. Summer
in Anchorage saw a progression of tourists through the hotel that the coffee
shop I worked at was in. There were days
when it was not stop from 6am until 10 pm with a line out the door. Then it
stops. It’s pretty sudden actually. The tourists just disappear. But management keeps us scheduled for a week
or two as if the tourist were still abundant.
We get bored and restless.
When the tourists disappear, the politicians from Juneau
return to Anchorage where most of them live.
It was my experience at that time that politicians, their aides and
secretaries all ate weird things. One
guy always had a peanut butter and banana sandwich for lunch. We had to special
order it. Because of their return, shenanigans started.
We were mostly young, and frisky and flirty. The politicians
were worse. They couldn’t keep their hands to themselves. And no one asked if
it was ok.
Years later, when doing a class called Fight Like A Girl, I
learned how to defend myself from roaming hands and pinching fingers, but it
should never have happened without my consent in the first place.
As a society that is comprised of mostly non-dog behavior
experts, many people look at dogs as a sort of community property or at
minimum, as some sort of entertainment that should be available to them, just
because the dog is in a public place. Like those politicians and their grabbing
willy nilly, people seem to think they have a right to touch not only every
baby they see, but now that dogs are coming more and more into public, with dogs.
As a service dog owner, this is a big problem. My service dog is supposed to be glued to my
side and paying attention to my smell.
If he misses an alert to my medical condition, I could go into a
diabetic coma. Often, I wish I could
magically create a bubble of force around myself to prevent those who feel
entitled from trying to touch Micah, even when he senses someone not quite
right in the head and growls, they still reach for him. But magic wands and magic force fields don’t,
yet, exist. Someday maybe, but not now.
Another incident that happened during my waitressing days in
Anchorage, was during that sharp lull after the tourists disappeared, but
before the politicians showed up.
Goofing around in the coffee station one morning, one of the other
waitresses decided it would be fun to grab me around the neck with a
half-nelson hold. I have a sensitive
neck, thyroid issues and the need to keep breathing regularly. I also have extremely quick reflexes. So, back went the elbow into her stomach,
back went my head into her nose. Blood
everywhere and groans and moans from her.
And all the explanations in the world were not enough and I almost got
fired. Had one of the morning regular customers not seen what happened and
spoke up, I would have been gone right then and there.
I can completely understand why dogs get upset. Imagine some stranger coming up to you,
patting you on the head, grabbing your ears, stroking your back and sides, and
hugging you. I know what I would do and
have done more than once. The incident
at the coffee shop wasn’t the only time I reacted to inappropriate touching.
And like I said, later in life I learned how to effectively defend myself from
grabby people without creating a scene.
But what about our dogs?
Consent is a right of every living being, in my
opinion. We want respect, why do we not
give it? Not only to other humans, but
to other creatures? Even in my social group,
most of them know I’m not a hugger. It
wasn’t done in my family growing up and is very uncomfortable to me. I’ve learned when it’s appropriate and how
much hugging to do, but it took me until recently to understand that and I’m
over 60 years old!
So, dogs, and especially service dogs, and consent. In their world, they have a hierarchy of
signals, both physical and vocal, that tell another dog whether it is ok to
approach and how closely that approach will be accepted without further
signals. Humans, mostly, don’t understand, and in most cases, don’t even see,
these warning signals. Or don’t understand
them when they do see them.
As a dog owner, and especially as a service dog handler, you
need to be proactive about what happens to your dog. I know it’s hard for those who are
uncomfortable with other humans, but think about it this way: if you don’t
advocate for your dog; if you don’t tell people “NO” and enforce it; how much
worse will you react to those people because of your own issues? If your dog is so distracted trying to
protect itself, it will miss alerting you, blocking the crowds, finding exits,
and in general doing its job.
Your dog is not in public for the pleasure of those who
profess that “all dogs love me”. You
need to be firm with these people and others who just can’t seem to control
themselves around dogs. Be your dog’s
advocate, be his voice, don’t stand back and expect him to ensure his own
safety. If you’ve taught your service
dog about intelligent disobedience and that almost anything is allowed from him
to you in an emergency, what do you think is going to happen when he says “NO”
to some other person. His “no” could
involve teeth.
Forcing a dog to become proactive about his own safety is
where reactivity, fearful behavior and/or aggression often comes from. This is the same whether your dog is a pet or
a service dog.
One blog I follow made a good point about how some try to
handle the consent question when they are out with their dogs. Here is an
excerpt of one of her articles.
“I do
want to mention something that I see some people utilizing for dogs who are
introverted; the leashes or coats or sashes that indicate the need for space. I
do not personally support these products. Here’s one reason why. In THIS
country, we have a litigious society. You are labeling your dog. If there is an
unfortunate incident, you are already publicly stating that your dog doesn’t do
well in close up circumstances and you are then admitting liability. I don’t
believe in inviting controversy. There are plenty of people in this country who
might consider forcing an encounter with the explicit purpose of being able to
sue you. Just say no to labeling and speak out verbally instead. It is your
right as your dog’s caretaker and never forget that. Do not be afraid. Your dog
depends on you.
Another
reason why I do not support labeling is because frankly, most dogs are not
interested in interactions with random strangers. Being exceptionally social is
a trait belonging to a very small portion of the dog world. I prefer education
at large on this subject rather than simply labeling some dogs as abnormal.
They are not abnormal. They are actually more the standard. We must stop trying
to make them something that they are not and accept them for who they are.
Education on this subject is vital.”
Its been my experience that children seem to understand that
service dogs should not be distracted.
I’ve even seen children tell their parents that it’s not ok to pet that
dog. These are generally children who are school age. Younger children, toddlers, are a different
story. And their parents are oblivious or get mad when you tell the child “no”.
“May I pet your dog” should be taught as soon as a child can
speak. Especially now that not only
service dogs are becoming a regular sight in public, but dog friendly
restaurants, malls, and other retail businesses are all allowing pet dogs in at
least a portion of their business space. It should also be taught that when a
child hears “no” they should respect that and not just reach because they asked
first.
The truth is that even though dogs aren’t humans,
they are sentient
beings who have the capacity to experience a full range of emotions and who
need many of the same things we do in order to live healthy and fulfilling lives.
This includes the ability to make choices, give consent or not and have control
over one’s body.
In the words of Dr. Susan Friedman, “The single most important thing I have learned over 40
years studying learning and behavior is the benefit of giving animals control
over their own significant life events. Although it may seem counterintuitive
given our cultural fog, research demonstrates that control over consequences is
a primary reinforcer, meaning it’s essential to survival like food, water and
shelter.”
Too many trainers, including TV trainers, espouse that you
must control your dog. That dominance
shouldn’t be allowed, and all dogs should be submissive to the will of
humans. Even a human who can’t even
control their own bodies yet. The
encouragement we get to use power, force, and control as the way to live with
our dogs totally negates what dogs have been to man for centuries – man’s best
friend.
Can you image trying to make a human friend by grabbing them
by the neck and squeezing their carotid artery?
How many actual friends would you have?
You might have slaves, and that has been a part of our past and even in
some countries today. But they are not
friends. Trying to control others, the need to control others, is what brings
about abuse, war, poverty and slavery.
With a dog in our lives, we control so much of their existence,
why continue that control in every aspect?
It isn’t needed or wanted and will prevent that dog from being the best
pet he could be. Just because you can tell your dog what to do, doesn’t mean
you should. And we are not with them every second of the day. What happens during those minutes and hours
when the dog has the freedom to choose what they will do with their time? They may not counter surf, get in the garbage
or on your bed while you’re gone. You’ve
enforced that enough that they don’t want the consequences. But there is so much more they could do. I’ve seen the destruction from dogs who have
no choices in their lives and when set free for even 10 minutes, will find
something to conquer.
If you are reading this book, I’m going to assume you want
or have a service dog, or a service dog in training. A service dog is a dog that is trained to do
a task or work for someone with a disability.
That task or work must be directly related to that disability. No more, no less. But think about this. If you control everything your dog does, will
he be able to do his job? Will he feel
comfortable going against your command to move forward in the path of a car you
can’t see, or will he be able to tell you “NO!”.
If you have trained your dog to alert you when you are going
to have a seizure in 30 minutes, but you feel fine. Are you going to yell at
him for a false alert? Throw him in a crate for a timeout because he was doing
his job? Believe me, I’ve seen this
happen all too often. I had one client with an adult child with autism and a
caretaker for that adult child. The
caretaker was afraid of dogs. So, the
seizure alert dog was left outside away from the human she was supposed to be
watching and could not. The parents were
very upset with me for not training the dog better until I pointed out that the
dog couldn’t do anything from outside.
Think about your relationship with your service dog. Do you just want a robot that looks great
walking perfectly at your side in public?
Or do you want a dog that saves your life and is your hero? That dog could still walk great at your side
in public, but he’ll stop and alert as necessary, even if you are in the middle
of your friends and want to chat.
